The Fine Art of Good Come Backs

Remember the day when the 'F' word was considered so bad that you didn't dare to say it unless you were all alone in an area where there was so much noise that even you could not hear yourself say it?
People seemed to have a greater command of the English language back in those days as the following points out.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
 
"I am here to defend this lady's honor ... which is more than she ever did!" ~~ Groucho Marx

Lady Astor: "Sir, you are drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Madame, in the morning I shall be sober ... but you will still be ugly."

"If all the girls at Vassar College were laid end to end ... I wouldn't be a bit surprised." ~~ Dorothy Parker

"If that woman has one more face lift she's gonna' be wearing a goatee!" ~~ Robin Williams

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx 

Now aren't these more effective and thought provoking than *f_  A**h***!!!