The Impact of a Word - A Few Mountains to Climb

 This summer, despite my spinal surgery and intense physiotherapy  has been wonderful. Fred and I have spent days at the lake with Miss Lucy playing ball and eating picnic lunches. We have gone to the baseball game where our favorite team The Vancouver Canadians are in first place and should make it to the playoffs. 

I have taken hundreds of pictures with my new camera. It is such fun to learn new setting and see what happens when you work with them.  As everyone knows I love to take photos and wish that I had more time to learn how to do it all better. 

Then of course the really great fun has been planning and dreaming of my trip to New York in October.  Every spare minute I could I researched things to see and do. I have bored my friends and partner to death with facts about New York not to mention regaling them with all the food that I want to eat while I am there.

Yes, I have been having a great time this summer! I also have been getting my business back up and running now that I can turn my head better to drive. Life seemed to be getting back to normal for me. However, as you all know, life has its own schedule and idea of what is to come next in our life. 

I decided that I needed to get a check up including a mammogram. Here in BC we use a clinic that requires no referral from your doctor. You just make an appointment and pop in and get the screening done. I did just that a week ago and recieved a call telling me that I needed to go to the diagnostic center as my films needed clarification. This is not unusual. I had this a few years ago and went through the diagnostics and everything was actually cleared so I was not concerned. I figured that they had been unable to obtain my previous test results because I have moved and they sometimes need that to compare.   Shortly after arriving I realized that this may not be as routine as I thought. This time they had found spots in both breasts. They had me do the ultrasound and sent me off with the assurance that these films would be delivered to my doctors today and to make sure that I follow up with him in the next week.  

Can't be that bad I told myself as I went off to White Rock for lunch with a friend. We spent a couple of hours sharing. Catching up on each others lives and eating Greek food. I hugged her goodbye and was driving down the road planning out what I needed to do for the next few hours when my cell phone rang and it was my doctors office.   He said " I am watching the reports come in from your tests this morning. It is not looking good. It looks like it may be cancer. We need to get a biopsy as soon as possible. I am putting in the referral today." His words sent a chill down my spine and my heart fell to my feet.  When I think about it I must seem like a fool to him. I didn't ask any questions. I didn't say much of anything. I merely drove home in shock.

I have heard the word cancer a hundred times in my life, but never did I realize the emotional impact that word when used to describe part of my body would have on me and those around me. From moment to moment I go through so many different emotions. I was able to hold it together and plant a happy face till after my daughters birthday party this past Sunday and then late that night I sobbed and asked the universe  - why me? Why not me - I am no more special than any other person. Life happens.

I have come to the conclusion that for the better part of the time to come I will be spending my life waiting. We are in an agonizing waiting for a biopsy date right now.  Then we will be in more agony waiting for the results of the biopsy.

I usually don't write this type of personal blog post, but if it can wake up one fellow woman to consistently get a mammogram and do a breast exam then maybe my agony of the last few days will not be in vain. Even if you think there is a hint of something wrong bug your family doctor till they thoroughly investigate it.

I asked myself a hundred times how this could have happened? How could I have missed this?  Busy life for the last year or so and I was lulled into a false sense of security because I had been cleared of anything a few years ago and there is no history of breast cancer in my family. 
 I am getting on with life while I wait. I realized that I am still very happy. Despite all of this my life with my partner is wonderful. Filled with love and family and friends. What more can I ask for? I just have a few mountains to climb. Thats all. Who doesn't?