Friday, February 15, 2008

For the Cynical Amongst Us


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


  1. I've always tried to live by #12, because I'm too lazy to keep track of all the lies.

  2. LOVE it! ahahahahahaha...omg...I need to print those, and make copies to give to people who start talking to me when I don't want them to...which is often.

    #1...LOVE IT


  3. Lorelei - believe me it pays not to have to remember things when you get older.

    Hey maybe we should give a copy to gt281 and he wouldn't write so much :))

  4. This is also the list of "Things you would like to have said, instead." I don't mean to brag (right) but I'm accused of always knowing what to say. Some of us were just born sarcastic. My first word was, "AmAm."

  5. Actually Diane I am usually accused of saying all the wrong things at the wrong time.