Monday, February 25, 2008

A Monday Funny - Lord Knows I Need It!

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

7 comments:

  1. have you been taking your meds?....

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  2. Just between me and you gt281 - I almost out so I started cutting them in half! Got any you can share?

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  3. You know I would because your my almost favorite,, but I only have
    blue ones left,, and those I don't share with anybody...

    Weather update: We have now had
    52 inches of $^%%^&!snow compared to our normal winter season of 32 inches...ohh joy,, and only 6 more weeks to go....$&&##**&!!groundhog.

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  4. I feel so sorry for you .... about the snow ...not the meds . We are into nice warm weather and the crocus are blooming and the birds are out chirping, but I know it is a trick. I know that by Easter we will have wet cold rain/snow. Brrrrrr

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  5. Why are you so mean to me?...I hope Lucy pees on your shoes...
    ...plllttthhhhh....

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  6. You keep spitting on my gt281

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  7. #7 is like a man motto, and my ex was a mechanic and loved the hammer one, LOL

    Me - I so agree with #8...and the slinky analogy...that is sooo true! :)

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